How to Develop Self-Confidence & True Self-Worth

Everyone has ups and downs when it comes to self-esteem. At times, we may casually strut our stuff. Then, seemingly in a flash, we want to avoid eye contact and grab the seat in the back of the room. This is relatively normal, but ideally, our sense of true self-worth will go much deeper than on good or bad days.

Self-worth goes beyond and deeper than one’s appearance, societal position, or net worth. Such elements can play a role, but if they’re the source, you’re building your house on a foundation of shifting sand. Let’s drill down into some basics and then make some useful suggestions.

What is Self-Worth?

According to the American Psychological Association, self-worth is “an individual’s evaluation of themself as a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration.” The particulars are subjective, e.g., beliefs, values, experiences, status, appearance, and more. What matters most is that you feel worthy of being valued and respected based on who you are as a distinct individual.

Contrary to popular belief, no one can bestow self-worth on you, and it’s not the same as being self-confident. What matters most is feeling valued for who you are. Therapy can help strengthen this sense of self-worth.

What is Self-Confidence?

This term is a reflection of one’s trust in their own abilities. A confident person is comfortable stepping up to a task because they feel they can handle whatever needs to be done. If they do, it doesn’t prove self-worth but contributes in that direction. Self-confidence, in other words, is an important component of developing true self-worth. Since they often work hand-in-hand, let’s examine steps you can take that can move you along toward both goals.

Two Steps Toward Self-Confidence & True Self-Worth

We live in a time when people spend an inordinate amount of time online. This means most of us engage in comparisons, and all of us are subject to the whims of artificial intelligence algorithms. Let’s address each trend one at a time.

Comparing Yourself to Others

The internet is brimming with carefully constructed profiles designed to present an illusion. Stacking ourselves up against fictional perceptions is a recipe for low self-esteem. Ideally, we’ll recognize fake news when we see it, and, either way, embrace the ethics of running our own race while leaving others to find the path that’s best for them.

Life in an Echo Chamber

Algorithms are used to herd consumers into easily managed herds. That’s why we tend to encounter people who agree with us and reinforce our beliefs. In reality, we’re being manipulated to compete against one another and to only trust folks who seemingly agree with our takes. Stepping away from tour devices empowers you to explore your values and beliefs and decide what resonates — without the influence of a hive mind.

A Few More Ways to Develop Self-Confidence & True Self-Worth

Talk Back to Your Inner Critic

Even louder than online voices is your inner monologue. Get comfortable being a fact-checker for the critic that lives in your head. Feelings aren’t facts, so put in the work to recalibrate what thoughts dominate your day.

Practice Humility and Gratitude

Self-worth is never about arrogance or domination. Remain curious to keep learning and keep the door open to getting help. At the same time, even as you strive for more in life, never lose sight of the big and little things that make each day a miracle.

Embrace Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Remind yourself of your worth by allocating time and energy to self-love. Take care of your daily needs and treat yourself with the respect you’d expect and want from others.

There’s no shame in needing some support. If self-worth and self-confidence feel elusive, I invite you to reach out. Let’s connect and talk about the possibilities.

About the Author

Deborah Duley, LCSW-C is a licensed clinical social worker and founder of the Leonardtown, MD-based mental health practice, Empowered Connections, LLC. She works closely with children, teens, and women, including members of the LGBTQ+ community on a wide range of presenting concerns using therapeutic modalities such as brainspotting and EMDR. She offers sessions online and in person in both English and Spanish.