Anger Management

Has your anger or frustration started to disrupt your relationships?

Do you get irritable or frustrated by small things that trigger you? Has your partner told you that your angry outbursts are creating problems? Perhaps you keep circling through the same arguments and feel like you’re not getting anywhere — or you feel attacked when your partner is only trying to help.

Excessive anger can affect your work life, create legal problems, and often compromises your relationships with friends and family. It materializes in a variety of ways, sometimes as sense of resting irritation, other times as a stress or tension you can’t attribute to any particular cause. 

It’s easy to get triggered by the small things that people say and do, but you might end up displacing your anger onto your spouse or significant other, your coworkers, or your kids — the people you’re closest to who don’t really deserve it. You might punch walls, throw household objects, or yell and curse in an effort to relieve yourself of that interior pressure. Minor irritations turn into full-blown explosions. Shame and regret may follow, and you witness the same heated emotions come back again and again. 

Do you wish that you could keep your anger in check and stop it from negatively affecting your relationships? There’s got to be a better way to do this, right?

We all experience anger. We’re human.

It’s normal to deal with anger, especially if you’re a guy. In popular culture, the image of a strong and stoic man leads most men to avoid the appearance of weakness at all costs. In a state of anger, many guys express themselves by either blowing up or withholding. In these instances, they’re leading with anger before their deeper emotions. If you’re having a hard time, and you feel your anger gets out of your control from time to time — it’s okay.

Your frustration or irritability may point to deeper issues you’re not directly aware of. When things get heated, rationality gets thrown out the door. We become reactive in the heat of the moment, feel out of control, and tend to regret our actions after the fact. It’s only later, in a calmer frame of mind, that we can actually unpack the substance of our impulses. 

You might feel ashamed of yourself for expressing your anger in the wrong way.  When shame takes over, we further repress our feelings to ensure they don’t surface in anger a second time. Fear is a normal and common mask for anger. A lot of men reveal their fear of releasing “the beast within.”

An anger management therapist can help identify what’s driving your anger, learn techniques to lessen it, and help you prevent your anger from damaging your close relationships.

Learn to control your temper with therapy

Anger is an emotion that requires both management and healthy expression. The term “anger management” carries negative connotations suggesting that somehow ourselves are inherently the problem. I prefer to think in terms of “anger development” — of moving toward better and healthier emotional expression.

Anger management is one thing. Actually working through the cause of your anger is another. Deep breathing exercises, positive affirmations, or attempts to curb our anger — all of that can be useful, but it doesn’t reach to the roots of our anger, and it won’t stop you from becoming triggered in the future.

Our sessions work to identify the true source of your anger and help you to free yourself from it. We’ll consider your childhood experiences, your relationships with others, and your relationship with yourself. We’ll acquire a panoramic view of who you are and where your anger comes from.

As we get in touch with the more primary emotions that underly your anger or resentment, you’ll acquire the awareness and control to express your anger appropriately and constructively without alienating others in the process.

Understand how your anger works.

Many men repress their anger, or express it in unhealthy ways like sarcasm, criticism, or other passive-aggressive behaviors. Together, we can stop these destructive ways of communicating and replace them with methods that invite the responses you’re looking for.  We’ll help you engage with others in ways that open up conversations rather than hurting or offending. With the skills you learn in our sessions, you’ll reduce negativity, and naturally cultivate a more positive persona. 

Anger often points to unmet needs. When we haven’t been able to identify and meet those needs, angry feelings will surface. In our work together, you’ll figure out your own needs and eliminate the impulse to take out your frustration on others. We’ll consider how you can express yourself to get your needs met in healthier ways.

We’ll also consider prioritizing conflict resolution over conflict avoidance, and discuss stepping into conflicts with the assertiveness that allows you to say what you need without making the situation worse. Conflict is sometimes inevitable, so why not learn how to do it right?

As a counselor for men, I bring years of experience working with guys who have struggled with anger or irritability. I began working in anger management groups early in my career, and witnessed good men make blind decisions in the heat of the moment —  decisions they would pay for over the rest of their lives. I don’t want you to make decisions that you regret. I want to work with you to get a better handle on your anger so it doesn’t become a bigger problem for you.

I’m a guy, and can relate to your experience. I’d like to use my understanding to help you explore your anger — especially if this is uncharted territory. This effort will allow you to find greater success and fulfillment in life, work, marriage and relationships.

You might have concerns or questions about getting help.

“I’m learning that my anger is a problem, but how can counseling help me with it?”

Maybe you’re beginning to observe how your anger is disrupting other parts of your life, including your relationships. Counseling can help you develop the self-awareness to accurately see your blind spots and change them for the better. It helps you see behind your anger to understand the factors that are driving it.  As a professional counselor, I can often see what you can’t, and offer supportive feedback that widens your perspective and helps you work through issues more quickly and skillfully than you could on your own.

“I’ve been able to handle my anger issues myself. Why would I seek out anger counseling now?”

There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re struggling with anger or frustration and can’t change it yourself. Sometimes a trusted professional can help us work through things we can’t navigate for ourselves. It’s OK to ask for help and admit that your anger problems might be out of your control.  We’ve helped many men struggling with how to understand and express their own anger.

“My spouse or significant other thinks I need therapy, but I don’t.”

If your spouse or significant other sees a problem you don’t, it may be a blind spot you’ll want to reconsider. Sometimes, it takes a while to appreciate how something is a problem that’s getting in the way of our lives. If you’re the spouse of someone with anger issues, you may choose to seek out counseling on their behalf, and end up getting a lot out of the experience for yourself.

You can leave a calmer, more peaceful life.

If you’re ready to start working on your anger, contact us to see how we can help. Your anger doesn’t have to keep disrupting your life. If you have more questions, call us directly at 602.309.0568 or, if you’re ready, schedule an intake appointment here.

(Note: We don’t offer anger management classes or programs, or court-ordered counseling. Please inquire with your court agency or institution for referrals for this type of counseling.)

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