Feeling Numb and Detached From Others? How to Help Yourself
One of the worst experiences men tell me they have is one of feeling detached from the world, or numb. In this state, it's kind of like not really "being there", but feeling detached from others, your own body and from your life in general.Being able to recognize this numbness is a huge step. A lot of guys simply drift through their days, without even being able to label what they're experiencing.Sometimes, we, as men, shut ourselves down to cope or deal with situations that may be too difficult, too scary, or simply too "unattainable." We psych ourselves out, tell ourselves a certain narrative about how we think the situation is (when it may be completely different), and then believe that new narrative. For example, we may tell ourselves that "work sucks - that's just the way it is." And we may then alter our behaviors and our general experience around that narrative. We may comply with that narrative, and that becomes our experience. And, as an unfortunate result, we may go numb in the process.Men who go numb try to cope with adverse situations. We shut down, as men do. We try to make "the best of a shitty situation." We tell ourselves "it is what it is," and submit to the problem instead of working on it. We bunker down, and go within ourselves, and just learn to integrate the adversity into our lives. It's like walking around with a broken arm, saying to yourself, "Oh, it's not really that bad. I've still got another one." Through rationalization and denial, we make a bad situation a little less bad, but certainly suffer the consequences if we go numb.Numbness implies that your vital life energy has been blocked or frozen. Generally, unless we can get the energy and vitality flowing again, we continue to bask in the numb state.
Difficulty communicating or "connecting" to emotions (also known as 'normative male alexythymia')
Hard time expressing angry feelings
"Fuzzy" quality to things, experiences, people, food, etc.
Low energy, or constant fatigue
Don't feel like you're 'in' your life
Poor sleep
Feel irritable with others
Don't want to associate with others
Generally don't enjoy the activities you once did
Not feeling like you're 'in' your own body; not aware of body movements, etc.
Many of the symptoms described above also describe depression. For men, it's difficult to know or admit that we're depressed, and we could experience a state of depression as a constant numbing experience. In fact, we may be depressed, and just not know it, or admit it to ourselves. Male-type depression is a little different from the depression that women experience. Studies show that almost two-thirds of men who were actively suffering from depression didn't get the help they needed.When we're numb, we miss out on living. We miss out on our lives, and the people in it, which breeds guilt and unresolved feelings within us.What to do when you're numb:
Admit to yourself that you're detached, numb, etc. Start talking about it with someone you trust.
Seek help. A good counselor can help you hone in on what the numbness is pointing to, and set you up on a treatment plan to address the issues that underlie the numbing and detached feelings.
Try yoga. Yoga gives perks all the way around, including getting you in your body and freeing up some of the blocks that promote the numb state
Practice breathing exercises: one of the best, and time-efficient, ways to get back into your body is through conscious breathing. Try this at your desk. For five minutes, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. This serves to reembody us when we've strayed from ourselves.
Stay off the alcohol, caffeine, and drugs. It's tempting to want to use these substances to deal, but they only make things worse They interrupt precious sleep, leave you more depressed, and alter your experience of being in your body to begin with.
Engage in rigorous exercise: mountain bike, hike, jog and generally do things to "re-embody" yourself. These activities are also cheap antidepressants, and can help you feel less numb and detached.
Make a list of the things that are unsatisfying for you: start to ask yourself, "What do I put off and not deal with, that needs my attention?" It may be that your numbness is related to one of these issues, and starting to address the underlying issues.
See if you're struggling with anger. Make a list of the things you're angry about, and see if there are any unattended issues there. Sometimes, numbness is inverted anger, and men are notoriously poor at expressing their anger effectively.
These are some tips to get you feeling less numb and detached. Have you experienced numbness and detachment in your life? What do you do to cope? Hopefully, some of these tips you can integrate soon, and get your feeling more present in your life. If you’re interested in learning more about the Depression treatment, or if counseling might be right for you, please feel free to contact me directly or visit our Depression treatment section for further detail.
